The Agony Of Defeat

I've been sick with bronchitis which I'm just now getting over and, factoring in the holidays, I missed about a month of working out consistently and was haphazard with the diet. Holiday treats are hard to resist. And I've been living on soup (high in carbs and salt) for the past two weeks. So it's not all that surprising that I've gained weight. I'm at 283lbs right now. I had dropped down to 276lbs about two months ago or so. Still large but considering that before I started working out with Sheritha, I was well over 300lbs, it's something.

But it's not enough. And to top it all off, I just found out that I have high cholesterol.

Now, I've been following the diet for about 2 years. I've fallen off the wagon now and again but, considering how strict the plan is, that isn't surprising. But I don't eat high cholesterol foods. I don't eat fried foods often or even much fast food. I don't even eat eggs consistently because I don't like them. I exercise. But my cholesterol is up and my doctor put me on Lipitor.

I feel very much like a failure. I'm working very hard. I know I could work harder but I'm trying. This just feels like a huge kick in the gut.

I'm signing up for a weight loss program through my doctor's office. Basically the goal is to get the same results as bariatric surgery without the surgery. The woman at the front desk is participating and says the focus is on making lifestyle changes but without the drastic dieting. Maybe this will work.

Or maybe I need to look into surgery.

I'm consoling myself with a salad and hot wings since hot wings make everything better.